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Expert Advice
Drs. Tom and Bev Rodgers
Providing advice and information to members is a crucial key ingredient to the overall structure of Cache’ Connections. We are not only interested in introducing you to other Christian singles, but are here to help navigate the issues that you may be facing. In this section, Cache’ Connections makes available to you a wealth of information provided by our Christian experts. These professionals have spent years counseling, instructing, speaking and coaching on single-relevant topics. We encourage everyone to spend some time reading the articles in order to prepare for successful relationships.
What is Romantic Love Anyway?
May 14, 2008
As marriage counselors who work with a great many hurting couples on a daily basis, we are surprised at how little engaged couples think about the marriage. They get so busy buying the dress, renting the tuxedos, designing the cake, preparing the ceremony that often times the marriage relationship gets put on the back burner. Sometimes just mentioning pre-marital counseling to the blissful bride- and groom-to-be elicits a somewhat dumbstruck response. “But we’re so happy,” they say as they look affirmingly into each other’s eyes. “How could anything go wrong?” At that point our realism kicks in and we want to say, “Just give it time, sister, something will go wrong.” Why will it go wrong? Because that blissful feeling won’t last forever.Neurobiologists have found that there is a chemical released in the brain when a couple falls in love. This chemical is called phenylethlamine and it functions in the body much like an amphetamine thus explaining the superhuman feelings of a couple who is falling in love. They often make statements like “I feel like I can walk on air”, “I don’t need to eat”, “The grass is greener”, “The sky is bluer.” Since phenylethlamine is released in the presence of your partner, you want to spend every waking moment with him and most couples do just that. Amazingly enough during this stage of their relationship, they never seem to tire of one another.
But unfortunately there is a villain in this fairy tale. Phenylethlamine highs cannot last. As with any chemical your body builds up a tolerance to it and the body requires more and more of the substance to acquire love’s special spark. Neurobiologists say it takes about four years for the chemical to fade, to run its course. Once the chemical is gone, the couple is faced with the difficult challenge of doing love with their own basic brain chemistry. This can create quite a struggle for many married couples.Now that we as therapists know this information, we can warn young lovers that their relationship will be tested. This is where those couples who have had pre-marital counseling seem to shine. Statistically, those couples weather the storms of the first year of marriage better than couples who did not participate in pre-marital counseling. And with the 57% divorce rate in this nation, we think pre-marital counseling is a good idea for every couple.
(To be continued.)